I guess you could say I’ve been “dating” people again these past few months or so.. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’ve been “playing the field,” but I’ve definitely been keeping my options open.. I am one of the few women I know that actually “date.” You know, like going on dates and hanging out with the opposite sex, without the implication that it will lead to a relationship or even, having sex. It makes for a nice little two-way street. I value my independence as much as the men I prefer to date do, so therefore in “casually dating” we’ve been able to create a delicate little balance between “too much” and “nothing at all.”
For months, I’ve been stressing my need for independence to potential suitors.. Graciously so, they’ve all respected that desire, even if, at times, it meant denying some of their own progressing feelings for me. I’ve been so adamant about being alone that I’m not sure how to react now that I’ve met someone that makes me think a little co-dependency wouldn’t be so bad.
What happens now that I’ve met someone I can dream with about crossing off bucket list items and who downloads my favorite cds for me?
I’ve recently been reminded of all of the knee-buckling, anxiety-producing, involuntary emotions that accompany having feelings for someone else… I’m remembering what it’s like trying to discern between the “what-if’s”, and the “should I?’s” and the “maybes…” Ahhh yes.. For so long, my own heart has been a barren wasteland, devastated by the raging wildfire that was my former love; and this, this new person in my life is like the first real sunflower to spring among the ruin.
Let’s see where this goes…